Good morning all-
Have you ever wondered how Paul forgave himself and how he forged ahead to bring people to Jesus? Recently, I made a very bad judgement call and it has bitten me harder than I can say. I was right in protecting the weak and trying to get someone to see the truth but that doesn't matter. Now, I'm facing my consequences with regret and worry. I haven't been able to sleep for several nights, even though I've tried to give it to God. Scripture has flooded my mind. God is so mighty even when we are being so very stupid. I am in awe that He could even get through my obsessive, worried thoughts and yet, He has. I asked Him to go before me and I pray that He will because I have just set into motion something I can't go back on. Luckily, I really thought about it this time.
Paul believed he was right when he was killing the Christians until the day He was struck blind by Jesus. I doubt one person could have told him he was wrong. He even held the robes of those that killed Stephen. He was a man on a mission and right, meant death for religious reasons. But on that road, he was blinded and then a light revealed to him the power of Jesus and all at once, what was right was wrong. His destiny was set, he would become a great man for God but I can't even imagine the shame he felt.
I live by conviction, even in troubled waters. When I believe I'm right, I don't back down but today; I'm choosing to back down because I know that God will go before me, all I need is time. I think that's how Paul got through his troubled waters. I'm sure he felt remorse but his mission was so much greater, so he forged ahead and proclaimed the name of Jesus Christ.
My journey is just beginning. I believe I've been given a true path and I need to follow it. I have been released to follow it and I'm going to do just that. The waters are troubled for sure and yet, my God is stronger than the sun, wind and rain combined. I will trust in Him and He will help lighten my burden. I can't go back and either could Paul but we can forgive ourselves and move forward. I worship a God that forgives. I worship a God that takes bad things and makes them gold and I worship a God that loves His people, even when they have muddied the waters. Oh, how I hate troubled waters. Then again, I love them because if change is to occur, only God can change it. I'm hurt, I'm worried, I'm sad, I'm mad, I'm broken, I'm loved, I'm His! Paul went on to build the church. Through his troubled waters, he left a legacy. He believed that Jesus was who He said He was and gave His life for that very cause. His shame humbled Him to the very cross he denied. And when all was said and done, we all reap the benefits of the day he was blinded and the Son was revealed.
I, for one, will live with my troubled waters if Jesus reveals Himself to me. Be well my sisters and know that through the rain always comes the rainbow.
who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. (2 Corinthians 1:4 NIV)
Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish. (Psalm 25:17 NIV)