Good morning my warrior sisters-
I woke this morning at 4 am and went straight to writing to God. Have you ever woken with a start only to find you need to sit with your Savior? For three days I have woken and went straight to my writing and it has comforted me.
Through my writing the word BEHOLDEN (υπόχρεος) sprang to my mind. I wrote: "I'm forever grateful to you Lord and I know your will for my life is better than my will for sure. You are amazing and great, O, Lord. I am beholden to you."
Beholden means: Owing thanks or being of service to someone.
That's me in a nutshell! I'm beholden to the living God who loved me enough to sacrifice His Son on a cross and give me life.
What a gift to be given and to find a word that so encompasses how I feel today. I was taken back through many events as I sat and wrote in my journal this morning and one thing stood out; in crisis I always want to flee. I want to have a Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C. The problem with that philosophy is in the words, "I want."
Faith is like building muscle, you must train every day to see the results and that's exactly what I must do. Otherwise, I start moving to I want. How can I be beholden to God and still speak those two little words? That's the question I asked myself today and the answer was glaring, the two can't even live in the same space.
I've faced many trials in my lifetime, but I have to say the biggest trial is in me. It's in my wants, desires and heart. It bleeds for me instead of God and how it pains me. I'm lucky though because every time I start walking down the path of my two-year-old self, God says: "Do you remember me and who you serve?"
Yes Lord, I do remember you and I remember that I must surrender all in order to seek the kingdom. So that's exactly what I'm doing by writing to you. I'm asking you to die to your desires, your hopes, your fears, your dreams, your ambitions and surrender. We must be BEHOLDEN to Him because He is who we can trust, he does hold our dreams and hopes and as we surrender, we are gifted with our greatest desire which is to be in His presence. All else worldly does not compare to one second in His presence.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 NIV: give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
May this day find you well and may you surrender your two-year-old self like I did at 4:30 am. It's well worth it and it has many perks. Remember an obedient child finds favor.
My prayer today: O, Lord, comfort those of us that continually go to the "I want." We know your will for us is better than our own and yet, we fall. Lift us up and walk us through our surrender so that we can find you. I'm completely grateful to you and for all you've done to walk me through every tantrum. You are so faithful, and I am so beholden to you. May my sisters seek you daily with humbleness and surrender and may I continue to be beholden to you. In Jesus name I pray. AMEN!