Trusting that tomorrow the sun will rise...

Good morning my sisters-

The sun is rising on Kansas this morning as I enjoy my first cup of coffee.  The dogs are eating their food as fast as they can and I hear the rumblings of my husband getting up.  It's morning on the Plains and as I sip my coffee the word trust swirls in the air.

Trust is not an easy word.  And in many ways, its an extremely hard thing to do. As little children, we trust that adults will take care of us but for some that's not the case.  As adults,we trust that we can take care of ourselves and so it goes.  Trust is hard.  It takes a strong heart to trust again when you've been betrayed or not taken care of.  Trusting in the unknown is even more difficult.  How do you possibly trust in something you can't see, hear or smell?  That's my question for today and I'm sure for those of you that have hit this blog, it's your question too.

In order for most people to trust there has to be a strategic repetition of actions.  Words don't count because most of the time someone has lied to you or been deceitful; so we look for actions to meet thewords and the first sign that they don't, trust wanes and with it comes fear and unrest.

I believe our journey with Jesus is just like that. It takes an extraordinary experience for us to believe in Him and then a supernatural experience to trust in Him.  It takes us giving Him our lives, admitting our sins and getting washed by the blood to understand that we are loved for who we are, not what we do or say.  Humans, by nature, have become wary of our friends, co-workers, family members and strangers.  People are stumbling all because of trust.  How can you trust that there is a God?  How can you trust that Jesus exists and how can you trust Christians when they let you down?

The questions surrounding Jesus have been the exact same for centuries.  Some trusted that what He said was true, others doubted and rejected His existence as the Son of God.  Even after you have accepted Him, you look for people to do the right thing and that just isn't always the case.  Like you, they let people down and regret it.  Jesus never let any of us down.  He predicted His death.  He knew the hour was going to be difficult. He knew that His own disciples would reject Him and that His mother would watch Him suffer.  He knew that as much as I love Him, I would let people down too.

The world is a dark place.  It is full of treachery, greed, pain, confusion, evil, fear, frustration, addiction and false teachings.  Included with all those words is a lack of trust in our fellow man.  People have figured out that you can't always trust someone that looks trustworthy.  Well we are human so who do we trust then? We must trust in Jesus.

I have spent the better part of my life trusting people that weren't trustworthy.  I have this inane sense to see inside your heart and always I see a ray of light there.  Even in the darkest soul, there is a light of good and if they seek it, they will find it.  My problem is that  I don't test my insight.  Over the last couple of years, I've learned to ask for discernment, which has given me insight into the light and the nature of the person.

So in the world we must use Godly discernment but with God we should trust without reserve.  That's what the disciples did after they saw Jesus resurrected from death.  They trusted that what He said was true.  They took that with them to their deaths and it's documented for all of us.  Moses, Abraham, David, Job, Isaac and Isaiah all trusted that God would deliver man from their sins so they walked the earth with trust in their hearts for a God they could not see.  Today, we walk more in the seen than the unseen.  If we can't touch it or feel it we can't trust it.  We are wrong.  We need to be like Paul who heard from Christ and began preaching the word without asking anyone. He just did.  One minute he was blind and the next he was preaching the Word of God.

Often, I struggle with trust because of my experiences.  Over time, though, I am learning to believe and trust in the God I can't see.  To believe He was born of a virgin and that he was beaten and killed for my sins.  As I have grown closer to the Spirit, I have walked out of my comfort zone and trusted Him who knows all.  I am not the smartest person on the earth and I'm definitely not the wisest but I am the child of  the God who promised to keep me always and that's exactly who I want to trust in.  I am His and He is mine.  My experiences have taught caution in the world, which I think is fine as long as I put my heart and mind in Christ's hands.  He is the reason I breathe and therefore, I owe Him all my trust.

Before I go, I want to say one more thing.  Trusting Him doesn't mean I will have all the money I want, all the friends I need, all the comfort I desire or all the success and awards I desire.  Trusting in Jesus means that I have a relationship I can depend on, period!  If you're looking for a relationship that never fails, ask Jesus into your heart today.  He is trustworthy.

Lord Jesus I pray that those that hit this blog will begin to ask you for supernatural eyes and supernatural trust.  I pray they will die to themselves and as they do, You will reveal yourself as you have throughout the centuries.  You are trustworthy and I believe that You will never leave us or forsake us.  May we be trustworthy with the gifts that you have given us and the message that must be spread throughout the nations.  Spread Your word and Your love to those that trust the least!  In Jesus Name we pray!!!!

Psalm 9:10 NIV

10 Those who know your name trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

Patience...Do you have it?

Good morning my sisters-

It's another great morning here in the state of Kansas.  We finally received the gift of rain and it's February.  Lately the ground has turned to dust and as the wind has picked up so has the soil.  The Lord is mighty though and saw the need of His people and the animals by providing a thunderstorm that washed over the earth.  The bounty of rain is one of the most needed elements on the earth and as the earth waited patiently the Lord provided and now the fields are full of much needed moisture, the birds have much needed water and our water supply is growing.  All in good time.

Have you ever sat down and contemplated how patience is one of the keys to being satisfied? Whether you're waiting on a spouse, a child, a job or a need, patience is the key to living a joyful existence but if you're like me, you probably run out after a long hike up a tremendously steep mountain, right?  We grow weary waiting and waiting never feels good.

Last week I had my first breast exam in over 17 years.  Before you say it, I KNOW!  It took me that long to make time for it.  I'm just too busy to go to the doctor, the dentist, well really anything that gets in the way of work.  It's not an excuse really because that's who I am.  However, in the back of my mind, I'd been thinking it was time to do the test, so I did.  And then, I got that call. " Lisa, the doctor would like you to have further tests this week."  Okay, now what?  Great attitude I know but that was the attitude with not a lot of patience.  I was already thinking, "What if?" 

Time ticked away for three days and then the test.  As I sat waiting with three other women all I could think about was the hundreds of women that had sat in the same waiting room and I was humbled and a little scared.  They came back that the doctor would like to do a sonogram on my left breast and my mind began racing to what would I do if they said, "You have cancer."

In my mind, I thought two things patience and trust.  Wait for the outcome my mind shouted and then the song "I will trust" came in my mind and as I came out of my in-depth thinking I was humming it, right in the waiting room. The diagnosis was good and nothing came of the hour that I spent waiting patiently to find out if I had cancer except a clearer understanding of what waiting means to someone that has cancer.

I learned a lot last week, mostly that someone on a daily basis faces the diagnosis of cancer.  They face wondering what it will be like to lose their hair, their eyelashes and eyebrows.  As they wonder how they will tell their family or how will they get through or the fact that they will be facing surgery and even the loss of their breasts. And if all of that isn't bad enough what about departing this world.  Believe me  when I say this, all of those thoughts ran through my mind in less than three minutes. Your mind races like a sports car going over a hundred and then when you say, "I trust in You," things begin to become clear.  You realize that you must practice patience in the face of adversity and in all things you must trust that you have reached this crossroads because God put you there.

Many have faced a different outcome than I and many more will face it.  For those of you that have sat in that waiting room wondering what tomorrow will bring, I get it.  I don't understand past that though and would never want to say that I do.  I also get one more thing, I get that Jesus is the only way I could have faced such a diagnosis, period.  If you are going for more tests, wondering what tomorrow will bring you, remember one thing, Jesus knows the answers, rest in Him and He will help in times where you grow weary, when you think life is not fair or when you just feel like your patience has run out and the outcome is not good. He is with you always!

I thank Jesus for this epiphany and for reminding me that many women have gone before me and faced this courageous battle.  Please pray for women all over the world that have just sat through those moments and were handed a very different diagnosis than I was.  Please pray that they will be patient, that they will not grow weary and that God will give them peace to face the race, one day at a time.

Isaiah 40:30-31New International Version (NIV)

³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
    and young men stumble and fall;
³¹ but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint.

May the God, our Father, always walk with us in hope and faithfulness even if the answer is not what we wish to hear.  I praise You Lord for giving me a sensitivity to what others have heard.  The path of this journey is not always easy, as You proclaimed so long ago.  We ask that You would continue to guide us and provide us with great faith to be patient and to trust in times of hardship and in times of joy.  In Jesus Name. AMEN

Happy Valentine's Day from God..

Good evening-

On the day that everybody celebrates love with cards, flowers, elaborate dinners, jewels, and everything worldly, let's remember one thin,g there are many that don't have someone to share today. So on this Valentine's Day, here is a message that means more than diamonds and gold.

The message:

Your Father chose You for such a time as this.  He alone can complete you.  He gave you life and freedom to love Him, not for just one day but for every day of the year.  We are to LOVE God first and then our neighbor.  Love is patient, love is kind, love does not boast, so today we proclaim that the greatest gift we could ever receive is the love of a Father that forgives and who saves.

To all of you that are sitting by yourself  know this one thing, You are loved!  You may never get diamonds or flowers but you have the choice to choose life, so choose Jesus.

On this Valentine's day I give my heart to the Holy Trinity.  I have been saved by the life of Jesus and I am His, forever.  That's the greatest gift and all I need today.  Feel love from our God and know He is near, always!

1 Corinthians 13
John 3:16
Genesis 1
Acts 26

We give you all the glory!

Being a bastard...

Good morning my sisters-

I heard an incredible story of a Korean women who was given up at 4 years old.  Her mother chose to marry and be protected over taking care of her half-breed daughter.  She was abandoned, lonely and had experiences in her youth, that many adults have not had to endure.  She fed herself bugs, slept in fox holes and was abused by others of her same race because she was half as much as them.  She wasn't just a bastard in Korea she was a Toogie. 

Our pastor shared her story out of Lee Strobel's book," The Case for Grace."  Her name is Stephanie and today she ministers to orphans in Korea and leads many to Christ.  During his sermon, he discussed how even after she was adopted by an American couple she never felt good enough.  They loved her but still she had to be the best, because in her heart she was still that little street urchin that was a Toogie.  I, for one, could relate to a very small part of the story.  I am a bastard just like her, however, our stories are very different.  I was from a middle class family and I learned of my birth status when I was 12 years old.  I had continued to have a re-occurring nightmare, always on Halloween.  I was Dorothy of the Wizard of Oz and something very evil was chasing me.  The ironic part of my story is I lived in New York and now I live in Kansas.  I guess that the dream was partially right anyway. Back to my point though, in the book it denotes how she did not cry, kept everything deeply bottled up inside and worked for image and perfection and that's where we are exactly alike.  It took a major situation in my professional life to unbundle and free years of anger, frustration and a sense of lacking more than being.  Maybe that's why I chose sales. In sales, you are only as good as your last sale.  No one cares about what you did yesterday, you have to keep going, be better, run faster and make more money.  You are never enough and for years I have chased that thought.  I am not enough.  Maybe you can relate.  This world has a way of making you feel like you are Dorothy running from the evil witch and you just keep running wondering when all the chaos will stop and you will just be enough.

Stephanie reached that point and so did I.  The challenges, thoughts and confusion are what make us  depend on God.  As we seek Him, we find him and how I have sought His guidance, His light and His will.  Bastard to me is one of the worst words ever until today.  Until my pastor said that Stephanie's father told her a story of a boy who was a bastard, who grew to be a man that had laid in straw, was severely abused, tortured and gave His life.  That boy was Jesus.  His father was not Joseph. Joseph was His earth father but God was His Father and all of  the sudden I felt a quiet in my heart, a sense of being and an understanding what the last couple of years were for me.  They have been about casting my image, anger, abandonment, and perfectionism to Christ and saying, "I am weak but You are strong."

Words hurt and emotions that are bottled up to the point of storing our tears  aren't what make us strong.  We may have overcome them but none of that matters without Jesus.  My first thought every time I write is that I hope you like reading my words and I hope they are meaningful to you but that's not what matters anymore.  What matters is the fact that I know I'm weak and through Jesus His Grace is sufficient.  How I was conceived and who had a part in that conception doesn't matter.  What matters is that God said, "You are mine."

Fame and fortune are what the world is about.  The image we create is just that, void of substance and lacking of our purpose and call.  Jesus called us to spread the word to the nations.  He prayed and prayed to remain in His Father and until His very last breath He did.  You may be dealing with many circumstances that are out of your control and praying for deliverance.  I get that, I've done that. He hears you and when we can say that we are grateful for all the bumps, lumps, molding and pruning, we will begin to see our full potential.  It has taken 51 years for me to feel the kind of peace I felt today.  To sit in church and realize there is no shame in what or who I came from.  I am not unclean because by GRACE I was saved!  I did absolutely nothing to achieve it and really don't deserve it. And yet, He gave it to me anyway.

If the following words resonate with you today, understand one thing. God is grace.  So here are just a few  that I want you to pray about with me.  They are:

Abandonment, shame, bastard, unworthy, awkward, ugly, babbling, idiot, sad, emotional, angry, image, perfectionist, driven, controlling, unemotional, saintly, judgmental, broken, abused, tyrant, smart, stupid, dirty, gross, unclean, wreck, killer, excuse ridden, co-dependent, coveting, touchy, bigot, argumentative, addict, sexually promiscuous, orphan, confused and broken. 

These words describe many who have come to love Jesus Christ.  In their hearts, they were unworthy to wash His feet but by Grace we are saved.  He didn't come for the one who believes themselves to be mighty, He came for the broken, bruised, and repentant.  He came for you!

Once again, my Lord and Savior meets me on the road of my own thoughts and beliefs.  Once again, I am washed with a picture that reminds me that He has gone through everything I might possibly face in this world.  I am His, which makes me wonder why He would want to love a wretch like me.  And then again, this story and the many in the Bible  remind me of why I love Him so.  With all my faults, confusion and constant berating, He hits me with this story.  I am enough because His grace is sufficient for me. Please pray that God would reveal His grace in our every day lives.  My prayer is that these words would because a harmony of God's great song of Grace.

2 Corinthians 12:1-10 NIV:

1 I must go on boasting. Although there is nothing to be gained, I will go on to visions and revelations from the Lord.

References for 2 Corinthians 12:1

• Cross References

• 1 12:1 - ver 5,9; 2 Corinthians 11:16,30
• 2 12:1 - ver 7; S 1 Corinthians 2:10

2 I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows.

References for 2 Corinthians 12:2

• Cross References

• 3 12:2 - S Romans 16:3
• 4 12:2 - ver 4; S Acts 8:39
• 5 12:2 - Ephesians 4:10
• 6 12:2 - 2 Corinthians 11:11

3 And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows—

4 was caught up to paradise and heard inexpressible things, things that no one is permitted to tell.

References for 2 Corinthians 12:4

• Cross References

• 7 12:4 - ver 2
• 8 12:4 - Luke 23:43 ; Revelation 2:7

5 I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses.

References for 2 Corinthians 12:5

• Cross References

• 9 12:5 - ver 9,10; S 1 Corinthians 2:3

6 Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say,

References for 2 Corinthians 12:6

• Cross References

• 10 12:6 - 2 Corinthians 10:8
• 11 12:6 - ver 11; 2 Corinthians 11:16

7 or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.

References for 2 Corinthians 12:7

• Cross References

• 12 12:7 - ver 1; S 1 Corinthians 2:10
• 13 12:7 - Numbers 33:55
• 14 12:7 - S Matthew 4:10

8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.

References for 2 Corinthians 12:8

• Cross References

• 15 12:8 - Matthew 26:39,44

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

References for 2 Corinthians 12:9

• Cross References

• 16 12:9 - S Romans 3:24
• 17 12:9 - S Philippians 4:13
• 18 12:9 - S 1 Corinthians 2:3
• 19 12:9 - 1 Kings 19:12

10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

To HIm Be the Glory!

Good morning my sisters-

It's been some time since I last wrote.  Days go by and I think, "You should really write."  That thought  is fleeting  as I assess the day or just wonder is it worth it.  Time is precious and then my mind wanders and wonders, do I write for me or for Him?  That's been really what I've been contemplating over the last months and days since last I posted.

Thoughts like "Am I good enough" or "Will anyone read this" are what penetrate my mind day and night. So with those thoughts comes the ability for days to go by with no words to my Maker.  This blog was initiated out of pain and a need to spread the word to women all over the world. I sat for days thinking and dreaming about the what ifs of life.  I wanted the perfect title to the blog that was going to reach millions.  But like many things in life, year after year, the dream died more and more as the blog didn't reach millions of women and I thought, "What's the point?"

There are many places to hear God's word and who was I to think that God would use this blog for His glory anyway.  So through trials and tribulations and many negative thoughts, I just stopped writing.  I gave up on the dream, sat at home reading my Bible and leaving the writing to women like Anne Graham Lotz and Beth Moore. God didn't need another one of them when they were doing such a great job already.  And that's exactly what I did my sisters these last months, I left it to everyone else.  My posts became infrequent at best and I believed I was doing the right thing.  After all, there are millions of women that can probably write better than me.  And then, something happened this week and I remembered my initial vision of what God had spoken to my heart.  I was to carry the message of Jesus to millions.  Now that's a mighty task, right?  Well, it was the first vision and then all the sudden reading Paul's testimony to King Agrippa and Festus, it came back like the tide washing to the shore, with majesty and power. 

All I could think about as I read Acts 26 was that my faith had never been like that.  I haven't been persecuted for what I believe, no one has tried to make me blasphemy God and I have been free every day to sit down and write to women all over the world and tell them of the power and majesty of Jesus Christ.  And yet, I didn't.  I sat for months thinking what's the point and let others carry the good news.  So the fault lies in me, in my need to make a difference and in a dream that, to date, hasn't come to fruition. I'm the football player that sat on the sidelines as others were making touchdowns.  I had a dream to be the star player but no ambition or what I believed to be talent.

Well, Acts 26 has done a number on me because I can't get it out of my mind.  I actually was cleaning my office when I found the poem I wrote in November.  I serve the Great and Wonderful Savior and I have sat around feeling like I don't make a difference because what I believed to be a calling just isn't. I'm like Sarah laughing at God and not believing she would have a son and I feel repentant. 

Somewhere through my life I stopped dreaming.  I stopped believing in the impossible.  I sometimes find myself dreaming but it's for others.  Dreaming is believing.  If you can dream it you can make it a reality.  Just look at the dreams of Henry Ford or the Wright brothers.  They dreamed it, it was absolutely out there and people didn't believe them but it was true and because of them we now drive cars and fly airplanes.  And if we go back to Paul's time, who would have thought that a normal trip to Damascus could make a man blinded, see a vision and believe in a Savior, so easily and so powerfully. "Saul, Saul, why have you forsaken me?"  That one sentence changed a man's life, brought him hardship and persecution and yet, he stands in front of a King, boldly stating that he is only doing what He envisioned.

Power is in the dreams of men, coming from the Holy Spirit.  Passion is the drive that the Spirit uses to fulfill the dream and God oversees it all, for all power lies in His will.  I don't know what the months and years will bring and I have no idea if I will be standing before thousands of women telling them about my King but I do know this, I must get out of the way, not worry about fame or making a difference, and write today, for it was the Spirit that placed the dream in my heart and I must be obedient to the Spirit.  It doesn't matter how many people hit this blog as long as the one that does understands that Jesus has given me life, he has freed me from Sin and He loves me with all my little dents and stains.  He forgives, the world does not.  The world will remain more and more corrupt, hate filled and lost but Jesus is the way.  He loves you, so stop fighting Him and come into the fold.  He's waiting!

Acts 26:15-18 (NIV)
¹⁵ “Then I asked, ‘Who are you, Lord?’
“ ‘I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,’ the Lord replied. ¹⁶ ‘Now get up and stand on your feet. I have appeared to you to appoint you as a servant and as a witness of what you have seen and will see of me. ¹⁷ I will rescue you from your own people and from the Gentiles. I am sending you to them ¹⁸ to open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.’

So today My Lord I ask You to come to us and spread Your wings over all those that need You.  I pray that I would be faithful to the calling you placed on my heart.  I pray that I would not seek fame or fortune but only You and when I pray, I would pray for the millions of women that need You today.  My hope and dream is that millions will find You and that they will speak Your name.  I am but one women who loves You with all her heart.  I come before You repentant for my apathy and ask that You would give me a heart like my forefathers, a heart that beats only for Your voice.  Please father help me in this year, 2017, to be bold for You. In Jesus Name I pray.

And the God of all grace...

Good morning my sisters-

I wrote this passage last week and thought it was important to pass on.  How you think about yourself can and will be used against you.  You must always remember that God thinks your beautiful, your wonderful and your His.  As you read what I wrote, I hope you find one word that you can put into place that is positive and represents how Jesus sees you.  At the end of this journey it doesn't matter what people believed about you, it matters what trials you learned from, what faith you gained in the midst of negativity and in Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior.  I hope you find something in today to be blessed by and find your first word, here's mine.

From last Friday to my trainer:

Words are what knit this world together.  They can be positive or negative with no grey area.  They can inspire or tear down.  They are the center of how people feel.  Whether you are logical or artistic, words paint a picture of the soul.  They define people into categories that often, they cannot break.  Words should be used to build tapestry but instead they are often used to bring about war.

As a little girl, I learned what it meant to be a “bastard, abandoned and unwanted.”  I learned what an ugly duckling was and how librarian, which should have meant something positive, became an absolute negative in my life.  And I learned what fat meant and how fat people were treated and how they thought of themselves.  These were the words that molded a young girl.  And although none of these words are positive, they were all used to make a warrior.

Struggling with body issues, insecurities and not fitting in is where my journey begins.  Where I am today truly started so many years ago.  Women, in general, struggle with many of the same issues I face.  Girls look at movie stars, models and beautifully thin women as their sole role model.  We get desensitized to what we were truly made for and that beauty is only skin deep.  Words somehow penetrated the minds and souls of the innocent to be distorted, ravaged and twisted.  What was started as a solid oak tree ends in sawdust.  But like every strong tree, rooted to the ground, with sunlight and water that tree grows again. It becomes new and learns to weather the toughest storms and in time, becomes stronger and more radiant. Body transformation isn’t just the time you spend in the gym or in your home, it’s the time you take to re-program words that have infiltrated your mind and soul.  Like a great painting the color needs to be layered, swished and infused, with light and dark, to weave a picture of true mastery.

Beginning the journey is the toughest part.  How do I know?  Because I have taken on the challenge at an age when a woman has a hard time losing weight, getting healthy and seeing herself from the inside, out.  As you age, your body begins to show all its wear.  What you have eaten, how much stress you have, what you believe and how you have treated the vessel you were given becomes apparent in blood tests and in how you feel.  You have a choice, just like I do.  You can choose to live in words or you can act and change your course.  You are made for this journey, you just didn’t know it until you got here and either did I.

So today we start with the re-programming of a mind that has been filled with the greatest lies.  These words have penetrated you to your core and part of getting healthy is taking each word, finding different ones and begin living in those words.  The past doesn’t have to define you.  You have a choice to fill your mind with beautiful colors.  It just takes one word to begin to see the truth. 

The word that changed my life happened last year, I chose, “Warrior.”  If an oak tree is 100 years young, isn’t it a warrior? Now, you need to find one word that describes this journey for you and put it into your mind, on your phone, as your saver screen, wherever because it’s about to become part of your journey to healing your mind and body.  As you picture the word, you will begin to push yourself to be the “word” that best describes you today.  We will add on to those words as time goes by but it really starts with the first.

In the end my sisters there is only one true path and where all words come from, our Lord and Savior. Don't believe the lies of the world, look up and find the words that God uses to describe His people.  We are His vines.  We must put on the full armor of God.  We are chosen.  We are His bride.  Do you see any negativity there?  Of course not because we are part of the beautiful tapestry that's been called to spread the word to the nations.  Our inner soul must long for God over words.  We are called to love others, listen to God and to spread the Bible.  Our journey is part of the 100 year vision and somewhere in that you will live and die.  The question is, "What do you want to leave behind?"

I want to leave behind that I fought the good fight and I persevered, just like Paul. Find a Scripture that resonates with you today and find one word that describes your journey with Jesus.

1 Peter 5: 10 NIV

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered for a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.  To him be the power for ever and ever. AMEN

What if I wake up and I see Jesus....

Good morning my sisters-

This morning I woke up from a disturbing dream.  It took me a minute to realize where I was and that I actually was awake.  It's interesting because I haven't been dreaming that much but I've been in another spiritual battle, so I can only conclude that the dream stems from that.

Whenever we are fighting for good, it seems like something comes in and takes our focus off it.  Do you know what I mean?  All the sudden we are immersed in our own heads thinking about our life, our challenges and our directions.  We become, "I" focused.  Not a good place to be but it just happens and then we sit on it for awhile and it becomes an obsession.  Well, over the last couple of years, I've learned to shake off that kind of thinking.  I'm day by day now and yet, I'm still human so it would be very easy for me to slip into "What about tomorrow?"

Tomorrow always comes, that is, unless you have died and perhaps that truly is the best tomorrow.  While we're here on earth grieving, they are meeting Jesus, where there is no pain, no anxiety, no fear, no disease, no strife, no loss--they're free. So as I woke this morning I went to my daily reading of devotionals and Scripture.  It's become what I call my holy time.  It's me and Jesus, sitting in my office with no distractions.  Oh, and of course,there's coffee too, even if it is decaffeinated with primal greens, its still coffee!  Did I hear an Amen?

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that when I woke today, I didn't meet Jesus face to face.  I didn't get to hear him talk to me about my choices, my sins, my distractions or my journey.  I woke to a confusing dream that drove me to Him, which is the only way I can find Him here and to his non-audible voice, the Bible.  I have to admit, I often worry that I haven't repented for all my sins and how many of those will there be, only He knows.  At the same time, I know He knows my heart and my heart is 100% His. Trials have just been part of my life.  I've lived through them, or maybe, stumbled through them.  And in the end, I have come out of each one a stronger, more faithful Jesus follower.  Maybe I'm like the man that was paralyzed, who had the desire to get into the pool with no one to help him.  That didn't actually hold true though because Jesus came to Him and asked him if he wanted to be well and then healed Him.  Only today will reveal my direction and only today can I pray and walk with the Lord, for tomorrow will bring the next set of challenges.

I'm humble enough to admit that I need Jesus, not just today, but for every hour of today.  I'm needy enough to admit that I want Him to change me and mold me and I'm faithful enough to believe He will do all these things according to His will. So today, I pray for my sisters all over the world that are moving through life with challenges, hurts, strife and horrific circumstances.  I'm praying that our Lord and Savior is walking with them and lifting them up.  I'm praying that the enemy will not destroy the love they have for their God and I'm praying that I am preparing every single day to see Jesus, even if that's 40 years down the road.

A heart is a fickle thing.  It wants what it wants but we can train it to want Jesus.  Take a moment today, whether that's driving your car, taking a shower, going to work, diapering your baby, whatever your doing, ask Jesus to mold your heart and keep you right in today.  We prepare on this earth to be warriors for a world we can't see and our leader is the Son of God the Father.  We are strong and mighty.  Our hope is not on man but on Him who set us free.  Tell your mind and heart that today and God will lead you into the battle prepared and full of His love.  May you see Him as you wake up today for He's waiting to meet you right where you are. 

I pray all these things for you my sisters, be bold and bright and don't let anything squash the light that lives inside you!

Your power is great, and your glory is seen everywhere in heaven and on earth. You are king of the entire world,

1 Chronicles 29:11

Delving deeper...

Good morning my sisters-

Today I want to talk to you about delving deeper. What do I mean?  I mean delving into our souls, our thoughts and God's truth.  The Word is the source that takes away the old and brings in the new. Are you feeling down?  Do you lack purpose?  Are the stresses of work, marriage and children getting you down?  Maybe you are single and tired, has that made you wish for something different?

Life has a way of getting us down.  We do a great job of that too.  We fill our life with things that take our time, or we sleep, or we run so fast that God can't possibly penetrate our hearts.  All those things won't fill you and they won't help you out of the spot you're in right now.

The only way we can truly find God and ourselves is to delve deeper.  We need to do a self-diagnosis and God has to be our physician. The Bible speaks that the heart is fickle.  It is for sure.  I know that between my heart and mind I can paint a pretty bleak picture.  Most days I can stay positive through any circumstance but a series of events can take me from positive to weary, that is, depending on how I started my day.

I have recognized over the years that the fears and worries I have experienced are directly related to how much I have filled myself with the Word, the Lord and His purpose.  When I don't, that glass gets half empty quickly.  I will question everything and often, it leads to me thinking that I just haven't done enough.  But over the last year, as I spent hours searching the Lord and Scripture;
I found that by filling my soul with the Word, capturing every thought, I could take a bad day and fill it with Jesus.  Delving deeper into my heart has helped me self-diagnose faster and using Scripture for healing has taken me from despair to rejoicing.

Most people are scared to look in.  They think that they will crumble.  That's why so many Christians go from joy at the time they accept Jesus, to great despair.  Jesus is cleansing us from our world views and that's uncomfortable for us.  We don't want to lean on anyone.  We don't need to be dependent.  The world teaches us that we don't need anyone but ourselves but that's a huge lie.  We need a Savior, a purpose and a path.  He calls us by name and He leads us by still waters.

Is life difficult?  Absolutely it is.  Just think if you took that difficulty and gave it to Jesus.  What if you asked the Lord, "What do you want me to learn from this difficult time?"  Why does it have to be bad that we don't feel all warm about our lives?  Maybe that's our first indicator that our Lord is healing us from the inside, out.

These concepts were foreign to me until my journey last year.  I never wanted to be dependent on anyone.  I always wanted to believe that I didn't need people and I didn't believe I held sin in my heart. All of those things were completely inside of me and they were lies.  Those lies kept me from realizing that Jesus is my provider, He makes my path straight, and in all things I must surrender. By living my life that way I was able to come clean.  I recognized my pride, my performance based nature and the fact that I believed it was me that created success.  The realization was difficult and often heart wrenching but by delving deeper in the Word, I saw it, I understood it and I repented of it. The results have been amazing.  I now love delving deeper.  I love seeing what God wants me to work on.  I don't worry as much, I definitely don't fear as much and I have courage. Oh and I give Jesus all the credit.  I will never achieve without Him.  This philosophy varies from my former self and I have walked with Jesus for years.

So here's my challenge to you.  Ask the Holy Spirit what in your heart needs to be addressed.  You may have to give up running and sit still.  You might have to change your belief system in achievement or pride.  You may need to pray for a month before you figure out what's been holding you back but I promise you, spend some time with God and He will reveal it.  Quit being a victim or blaming your spouse.  Don't look at your best friend or others.  Stop running and address your heart, it will be totally worth it and most of all, challenge yourself to fill your cup with Scripture to fight against being part of the world. He's waiting.


Psalm 139:23
Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts

Be well my sisters and delve deeper!

A message of hope...

Good morning all-

I have been up since 4 am thinking about all I need to get done today.  My daughter-in-law will be here in just a couple of hours and I'm excited to spend time with her.  I realized something as I woke up and saw a message from a man that my mother mentored, time is precious.  You see, he reached out to me in April and I just saw the message this week. I had the horrid task of telling him of my numerous losses including my precious mom.  He wrote back, "I've just stopped crying."  It brought back floods of memories and made me relive the moment I walked in the bedroom to see her lifeless body on the floor.  My few words to him brought floods of memories of her loving my boys, baking bread and singing to the birds.  It reminded me of her great painting talent and how she took in strangers but mostly, it reminded me that when you love a person, they never forget.

So as I reflect on the numerous people my mom touched in her life, I think about how many people Jesus has touched, without even being here.  He can't hug us or wipe away our tears.  He can't make us laugh at ourselves when we do stupid things.  He can't give us sound advice when we hurt someone, even if we didn't mean it.  And yet, for thousands of years, He has quietly spoken to hearts and said, "Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden."  He stated from the beginning that He was our shepherd pointing us to His father.  And with His huge sacrifice, we have been touched in a way that no human could touch us.  He has guided millions to the cross, with forgiveness, hope and a future.  He has watched us as we have climbed mountains, fallen into valleys and drown in the sea.  He has been there in our darkest moments, encouraging us to just look up and when He molds us, He restores us more beautiful than before.  He is one of a kind and with His life and death came hope.  Maybe not the way man thinks but nevertheless, He is hope.

Many of us succumb to addiction, low self-esteem, greed, power, hatred, and a gang buster of other things without once looking up.  We have to look up.  All of our hope is stored in that one action.  When things are wrong, not fair, or just darn depressing, we have to look up and remember what Christ did for us.  That's what I did as the raw emotion came from my heart into my head as I wrote this morning how my mom died. I didn't crumble, I looked up!  He is my hope and He was her hope and He is the only hope we have in this evil world.  He holds the nations in His hands, He calms the storms, He provides and He loves.  He, not humans.  We think we do but really there's just not a lot of goodness without Him.  You might disagree with me but I know for a fact that our hearts are fickle and one day we might choose to do the wrong thing and who convicts us?  Jesus does, making us the humans we are.

I love Jesus Christ and He holds all my esteem. I'm in awe of the things He has done in my life and believe me they were not without growth pains.  I'm glad that I can rest in Him and watch as He fixes the messes I get myself into.  I'm blessed because through all my loss I have gained insight into a good God.  And I know that although I screw things up sometimes, He has a plan for my life and I'm His.  Hope is not just a word, its a truth.  Jesus brought hope and that hope has spread for centuries.  Religion can not hold you but God can.  People can not make you better but God can.  I realize every year how powerful the message of hope is.  Without hope, I just might have drowned.  Think about this, to commit suicide you have to have absolutely no hope, none.  That's the failure of the world but hope is the blessing that Christ freely gives.  Hope in the darkness. So if you're on a path that darkness is closing in, open your eyes, spread out your hands and ask the Savior of the World to penetrate your heart.  He will and then once He has, step forward in forgiveness, hope and love.  He is our portion, given freely.  We don't deserve it but it's ours.  Isn't that amazing?

My sisters we must unite and spread the word of hope.  We have sisters all over the world that need to hear that from us.  We need to be the choir on earth sending prayers to our father for those that feel no hope.  We are a chorus, mighty, strong and full of hope.  Why? Because we chose a mighty Father that provides hope when there's none left in the world.  Do not be afraid to pray for these women.  Do not be afraid to serve Him with your whole heart.  Do not be discouraged, look up and see what others are blinded to, Jesus is waiting for you!

I just got chills writing that. My prayer is that my sisters, those that know Christ and those that don't will hear the call of the One True God.  May our prayers be heard as we sing of the awesome hope we have in Christ.  Be well my sisters and let the love of Christ envelope you.

Pray this and know He is God.

John 17:25-26New International Version (NIV)

²⁵ “Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. ²⁶ I have made you^[a] known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.” 

My Psalm to My Savior...

Good morning all-


A couple of days ago I was reading the Psalms and thought about writing my own.  I used to sit and write poetry when I was young, so I wondered, could I write a Psalm?  For me, it's not a confession of weakness, it's a confession of the heart.  A Psalm illustrates a journey with God and each one of us is on that very journey.  Mine is different from yours but each journey is one small light towards  the sun (SON). 

I hope you like my Psalm and if you feel compelled write one and share it here.

In the silence of the night I cried out to you;
I was searching for you in every cranny of my being;
I wondered when you would deliver me and how it would come about;
My mind wandered and it was destructive;
I was weary and full of fear and indecision;
And then, like the sunrise, my faith began to rise and my eyes were open to the supernatural;
Your name was on my tongue day and night;
Even in the midst of despair, I sought you;
Your light was like a beacon and I sought it;
My soul yearned for my Savior and I found hope;
Upon the edge of despair you delivered me and made me a Warrior;
I praise You Lord and give You all the glory!

I wrote this in about 10 minutes.  If you feel inspired, sit down and write to our Lord and Savior. He loves when we cry out to him.  He loves when our hearts yearn for Him.  He loves making weak, broken, lost people into warriors.  How do I know?  Read the Psalm and there you will find my heart.

I'm praying for you my sisters and I hope this Psalm lifts you up and that you find yourself enveloped with Christ's love for you.  He delivers, He loves, He hopes and He directs.  He is light in the darkness and hope in despair.

You Sister In Christ.

Do you pant for God like a deer near water?

Good morning all-

I had a tremendous day yesterday starting with church and ending with a drive home as the sun set and the moon shown as a sliver in the sky.  Kansas sunsets are beautiful, the open roads allow a spectacular view to one of God's most beautiful paintings.

I've been working on getting fit over the last couple of weeks.  Traveling doesn't always allow you to eat right, exercise or do what many can do when they are at home. So I'm working with the best girl ever and she is training me long distance and it's working out so great.  It comes down to mind, body and food.  I think the thing I love about it most is that I think a lot about God, war, peace, love and prosperity.  I am more aware of the birds, the sunrises, the sunsets.  I feel better because instead of working to the bone and then falling apart; I'm off the couch and taking care of the vessel God gave to me.

And when I'm done, I'm very thirsty.  The thirst that I have had in the last years is not a thirst water can quench.  This thirst is powerful its my soul needing to connect to my maker.  So yesterday when we were at church and our pastor was speaking about the soul, it resonated.  I know exactly what he was trying to say to the congregation.  Our hearts and souls search for the quenching of the Holy Spirit.  They both need the tremendous drenching and infusion of God.  And if they aren't fed, they are fickle and will find something else to drench it and often that's something dangerous and destructive.  So when the Psalmist is writing in Psalm 42:1-2 NIV, "As the deer pants for the streams of water, my soul thirsts for God, for the living God," I get it and it depicts exactly what we all know, that we will pant for something and that something has to be the Word of God that flows from the crevices of our mind to our heart and soul.

If you had asked me a couple of years ago, do you pant for God?  My answer might have been different. I had gotten to what I would call coasting, some might call it, apathetic.  I was half-way in and of course I loved God but did I thirst for Him.  I can't say that beyond the year I got saved that I had thirsted for Him.  Over the last couple of years I have found myself thirsting for Him and drenching myself into Scripture.  I have read more devotionals in the last year than in my whole life.  I have needed Him every morning where before I would just jump out of bed and run out the door.  I have spent countless hours reminding myself that I am His and that this is His life I lead, not mine.  These are the things that have kept me seeking, thirsting and immersing myself with anything Jesus.

And as I have sought, I have definitely found.  I don't have it as bad as some of you but I've definitely gone through my own trials.  I have watched God's hand in every circumstance and I've learned to forgive so much more.  I have quit looking at myself as myself and am now doing things for Him.  This fitness challenge isn't about getting into a smaller dress size.  It's really about mind, body and soul.  If God fulfills the vision for my life that I believe comes from Him, I have to have stamina, energy and I need to take care of what He's given me.  That's my real goal.  I need to use the time I've been given for something more than myself.  This preparation time is about getting healthy from my mind to my heart to my soul.  We age and things will age with us, that's just a fact but trusting that God can do anything through us is so important.  And as I write today, He is doing things through me.  He has given me a purpose to care about people, to love those that no one else wants to love, to forgive and forget and to be there for people that are hurt, broken and just a wreck. 

The questions you must ask yourself today is: Do you pant like a deer at the stream?  Do you hunger for a God that is mighty?  Do you feel like your empty in your heart?  Does you mind tell you that your just not worthy? Do you destroy the good in your life because you don't feel like you should be happy?  Do your choices weigh you down? 

We can be saved and do all the good things on that question list and all the bad things.  We can hunger for Him and still feel such shame we can't step into a church.  We can yearn for our hearts to be whole and make choices that weigh us down.  We can know what His Word says about forgiveness and not being able to earn it and still hear in our minds, "Girl, your not worthy."  It's nonsense.  We didn't earn Christ's sacrifice on the cross, it was given.  He gave His life so we would have eternal life.  Every journey in this life will have hardship.  No one escapes losing a loved one.  No one escapes needing to be forgiven.  No one escapes moments they regret and no one escapes feeling empty inside.  God leaves a hole in our heart and soul that only he can fill and on top of that, only He gave His life to show all of us that we are forgiven.

Life is a series of choices.  We choose to fill our time with destructive behavior.  We choose to fill our time with television.  We choose to fill our time with work until it beats us to a bloody mess and then what, guess who gets a call and it's always the last call we make, Christ that's who.  Don't let life take you to the brink of destruction.  Stop, drop and kneel to the King of Kings.  Give Him the glory for everything.  Read your Bible, enjoy the birds and the sunsets, take care of the vessel He gave you and reach for the stars.  If you only realize one thing today, realize that we must all pant for water.  We must seek Him and find Him to fulfill our purpose and to give Him the glory He deserves.

Have a great day my sisters and remember, if you don't do anything else today, spend time with God and thank Him for His life, His sacrifice, His council and His love.  There are no regrets at the foot of the cross!

Psalm 42 NIV BibleGateway

For the director of music. A maskil of the Sons of Korah.

¹ As the deer pants for streams of water,
    so my soul pants for you, my God.
² My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
    When can I go and meet with God?
³ My tears have been my food
    day and night,
while people say to me all day long,
    “Where is your God?”
⁴ These things I remember
    as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go to the house of God
    under the protection of the Mighty One^[d]
with shouts of joy and praise
    among the festive throng.

⁵ Why, my soul, are you downcast?
    Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
    for I will yet praise him,
    my Savior and my God.

⁶ My soul is downcast within me;
    therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
    the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
⁷ Deep calls to deep
    in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
    have swept over me.

⁸ By day the Lord directs his love,
    at night his song is with me—
    a prayer to the God of my life.

⁹ I say to God my Rock,
    “Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
    oppressed by the enemy?”
¹⁰ My bones suffer mortal agony
    as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
    “Where is your God?”

¹¹ Why, my soul, are you downcast?
    Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
    for I will yet praise him,
    my Savior and my God.