Sunday, October 21, 2012

October 21, 2012

Good morning all-

Well I've had my pot of coffee, cleaned my carpet downstairs, dusted, vacuumed and spent over four hours cleaning out my closet.  Wow!  I can't imagine life getting any better unless I had a cleaning lady, which I don't.

The boys went off to Kansas City this weekend and left me at my own vice.  Just for the record it's normally not cleaning.  Although I clean all the time, my house isn't showroom ready.  But as I sit to write today, it looks like it could be.  It's so nice to clean from top to bottom and to see the result of your hard work.  There's something about purging stuff that's always made me feel great, I just don't do it often enough.

Have you ever noticed that your home reflects your mood?  Some people can keep a great house all the time, I admire that.  My mom was like that.  I don't ever think I saw a dirty dish or a load of laundry not done.  She was an incredible housekeeper and mother.  I, on the other hand, work full-time and do the best I can with the time I have.  Over the last year, I've barely maintained.  I would look around and say to myself, "That closet really needs a good cleaning," but never did it get done.  It stood as a symbol of how I was feeling, chaotic, confused and sad.  To top it off all three of my families cremation boxes are placed there and are a symbol of my loss.  Thank goodness I broke the mold yesterday and started veraciously cleaning and if I must say so myself, it looks beautiful.

I have torn the shroud of morning.  I don't know if it was seeing my friend dying that did it or if I just decided to purge my mind and my house.  I think it's a little bit of both.  My closets were a reflection of my last year and I needed to choose to do something totally different or drown in the chaos.  Life can be like that sometimes.  You know, your going along, something happens and your normal routine stops.  It's hard to pick it back up again and when you look around you just don't have the energy.  I think our Christian life can sometimes fall into the same pattern.  We are feeling more than we are walking and when the answers don't come, we mourn.  If I've learned anything it's that God doesn't always answer my prayers. At least not like I want Him too.  He does answer them but maybe it's not as miraculous as I want it to be.

As you know if you read this blog, I have had a few friends going through many battles this year.  I have stood by them, prayed for them and petitioned God, not only with my words but with my actions. I left one person out though, me.  As I spent four hours in that closet yesterday, I realized that I had let my feelings get in the way of walking.  It's okay to do that for a time but as I was still, I saw the emotion and the chaos of the last year.  No one could see it on the outside but if you looked in closets, drawers or any space I could cram something in, you would see it.

There's something about being still and alone with God.  No one was home to say, "Can you make me something to eat?"  No one came in and said, "I'm watching TV, do you have to vacuum now?"  No one said anything but me.  In my mind, I was purging the last years worth of sorrows.  I stood in that closet and thanked God for the ability to clean it and to clean my heart.  I'm like you, no better, no worse.  I feel the same things, cry out and ask why and at the end of every day realize that without Christ I am nothing.

We have a choice.  We can sit in our misery or we can find hope.  We know that our hope must reside in our maker.  What God would let His son die on a cross?  A loving God.  Why?  Because it was never just about Jesus, it was about us and the table He would prepare for those He loves.  We are lucky to be in His presence and I'm so glad He is always near.  I don't feel Him every day but I know that when I pray He hears me.  He wipes my tears, laughs with me and gives me strength to purge my mind and heart.  What a wonderful God I serve!

I'm not preaching to a choir, I know you get what I'm saying.  But when tested, we forget to hope for all things and that all things are possible with Jesus Christ.  Our flesh gets in the way and we forget that if Christ wanted to move the mountain, He would.  It's been so since the beginning of time.  The Father, Son and Holy Ghost are here today to remind us that life is going to happen and sometimes it will be chaotic but in the end there is a place where the waters are still and the glory of God reigns.  Be well today my sisters and I hope if you have something to purge today, You do it!  Tomorrow will come but why wait when you have today.

Mark 9:23 NKJV:

      Jesus said to him, "If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes."

Matthew 19:26 NKJV:

     But Jesus looked at them and said to them, "With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

P.S.  I haven't had a lot of time to fix my grammatical errors.  So excuse me if there are some.

My prayer today:

O, Lord, how worthy You are!  I love the quiet when I can spend time with You.  You reassure me that my future is bright and that life goes on even in our sorrow.  You give us strength for tomorrow and when the time comes, You help us purge our minds and hearts.  We come before You today asking You to give us the strength and courage to look inside ourselves and get rid of the darkness that lurks within.  Please increase Your light into us so that we can shine it on the world.  We are human and often fall but then You walk beside us, pick us up and give us a new day.  Each day has it's own unique quality and we must all learn to live for today because tomorrow may not come.  We come before You seekers of the truth, women that know they need a Savior.  Go before us and protect us as we fight along side You.  Help us believe when there is nothing to believe in, correct our thoughts and plant our feet on the right path.  All things are possible through You, because of what You did on that cross.  I pray for those that just have a mustard seed of faith right now, help them to believe that You can and will move mountains.  It might not be today but someday You will swoop in and relief will be at their door.  Thank You for all the wonderful people You put in my path, for giving me people to love in my sorrow and for reminding me that You are with me.  Help me to not take today for granted but to do everything in my power to fulfill Your calling on my life.  Please take care of Your people as we unite to see the glory of the Lamb.  In Jesus name, AMEN

Until tomorrow...

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