This week I stepped out and made myself vulnerable. I was prepared. I have been working on this situation for the last two years and knew the outcome but also knew God wanted me too. You know it's great when you come to a place when you forgive someone, it gives you great clarity. The hard part is reaching out to that someone.
I am definitely human and I have made mistakes. A couple years ago I made a lot of mistakes and through it all God taught me what I needed to know and why I needed to go through the trial. I would say that even when I was delivered I held deep anger toward people and it was hard to shake that anger. This week I reached out to someone I had forgiven but felt like I might need to ask forgiveness from. It turned out exactly how I thought it would. This person wished me no ill will but did not want to have a conversation and yet, it still bugged me. I was awake a lot last night thinking about it. Why did it bug me so? I think the answer lies in the fact that I wanted to mend the fence but the fence was already damaged and I was a participant in that damage.
Relationships are hard and we do hurt people and they hurt us. Unfortunately it's a fact of life. Look at Jesus and all the thousands that sought Him out only to kill him for doing absolutely nothing. He had to live with these people, minister to them knowing all along betrayal would come and He would die for their sins. He did just that.
As humans we don't want to take on others sins. Often, we get angry and feel righteous because we were wronged. That doesn't help us. Feeling wronged prolongs any healing God wants to bestow on you and even though this week didn't come to a positive conclusion I have come to a place of peace. I basically asked for a meeting to fully apologize, I had written a note over a year ago and in my mind, that still wasn't sufficient. I have now been freed from my obligation.
I can honestly say I laid awake for much of last night. See my intention is never to hurt anyone and yet, I'm sure I do. And maybe, the other person never meant to hurt me either but they did. Either way, I have tried to reconcile and that's all Jesus asks of us. If I had a do-over, I would definitely do it differently. Time will pass and the lessons from that time will remain. I'm not sure I totally understand why things went so south and yet, I know God can right them in the face of a whole bunch of wrong. People don't intentionally mean to hurt most of the time. Be slow to anger and be open to forgiveness. Those are the lessons I have learned most over the last couple of years. I was meant to learn that lesson and my hope is the damage that was done would be a reminder for the future.
I can't fix everything and I wasn't meant too. I can't rescue people either because I wasn't meant too. I must walk the way God wants me to, loving people and forgiving those that trespass against me as I may have done to them. Forgiveness is one of the most significant gifts our God has given us. Imagine a world where people forgave instead of hated. What a world we would live in. For the person that was caught up in the mess with me so many years ago, I hope she can remember the good parts because that's what I'm going to concentrate on moving forward.
If you've been wronged or have wronged someone, please ask for forgiveness and give it freely. I am so thankful that God forgives me for my sins and in doing so, I owe Him the same respect. I can't hold a grudge if He doesn't, now can I? I also can't hole up and never let people back in. I must spread the word of God and the forgiveness He has bestowed on me as He works on me. See I will be a work-in-progress until He comes again, and for that, I am eternally grateful.
May your day today be full of joy and laughter. May you forgive the way Jesus forgives. I'm praying for you my sisters please pray for me too. As I've stated I'm human and you know what that means!
31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Always remember that God forgave you. That's the key to forgiveness. Why should we hold a grudge when He doesn't? And they all said, AMEN!
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