Good afternoon all-
I'm sure you've noticed my radio silence. I have gone through a trial that left me depleted and more aware of my need for Christ. You might think that it's personal but it actually hit me in my professional life. I won't go into all the details but I have learned many lessons. The most important was to remember my worth, through Christ and what I'm meant to do on earth.
It's sort of funny because I have this vision in my mind of what God wants me to do but as the time came closer to me jumping out of the boat; I felt like staying inside, hunkering down and not letting go of the rail. Why? Because I didn't get concrete confirmation that my vision is His vision. I needed more time, more knowledge and more passion. Where was it going to come from? I had no idea, so I stopped writing and withdrew. Not a very wise decision on my part but then again, maybe it was.
I found myself last week at my table with my head down. It was 6:00 am and all I could do was confess my sin, give it to God and change my very bad attitude. It's easy to trust God when everything is coming your way. It's so much harder when the world seems against you and your fighting yourself more then anything.
I gave up a lot that day. Mostly, I gave up my pride, my situation and my selfishness. I began to concentrate on helping my husband with his business, spent time with my kids and just forgot about work and all the things that go with it. And then, I began to think about Christ more. That's the best part of it. He came into focus and I died to myself.
The sermon on Friday cinched my resolve. In Matthew, Jesus wanted to walk away from everyone after His cousin died but instead, He ministered to 5000 people. We want to run from our responsibilities but we need to run toward them. I normally do, but one thing always holds me back and that's the potential to fail. Failure is not an option, it definitely wasn't for Jesus so it can't be for me either. I apologize for my time away and with much prayer; I hope to continue this blog for a long time. I also hope that this vision of speaking to women everywhere will come true and that my time away has revitalized my pursuit for His will on my life. I don't have a publisher or a million people hitting this blog but I do have a God that is so much bigger than me. I need to trust in Him always and work toward dying to myself. At the end of me is Christ. I count on that and I count on the fact that although I took time off, He will bring me back every time.
May God be with you my sisters and may you hear Him calling to each of you. Our talents are His, Our lives are His but our attitudes, drive and passion are our own. May God fuel the fire hot in our hearts and remind us to live in faith not in fear. Thanks for following and have a great day!
Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us. To Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen (Ephesians 3:20-21 NIV)
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