My year of YES!

Good morning all-

I have just finished a really good book.  It's called, "Year of Yes" by Shonda Rhimes.  Now I need to preface this with the fact that I didn't even know who she was until Sunday night.  Some of you may be saying, what?  I know but I just don't watch a lot of television.  I'm too busy.  I have a house to take care of, a job and my husband's company to run.  I don't have time to veg by the television Thursday night to watch the trio written by Shonda and that's why my channel searching and falling  onto the OWN channel just as she was answering Oprah's question is so incredibly awesome.

I have been working on taking care of myself.  I am eating smaller portions, working smarter, traveling better and working out.  I'm trying to remember that if I don't give something to myself, I won't be anything to anyone else and people depend on me to sell, take care of the house, cook and do the books.  People need things from me but I need to do something for myself because this year has flown by and I don't have anything to show for it really. So as I began to get on my husband's bike to go four boring miles(you all know what I'm saying), I turned the television on and I hear Soul Sunday, so I stop, watch it for a second and start riding and everything in my life started to change.  One minute, one bike, one channel and then light.

Jesus is my reason to live so if you read her book and start disagreeing, just take a moment and put her journey into the story of Jesus.  She wants to love, she needs to love and she hasn't ever loved herself until her year of yes.  I saw Jesus all over it.  Now if you buy the book and I suggest you do, you may judge me but I can honestly say that every page I turned, I saw Jesus transforming, creating and lifting up.  I saw redemption and joy.

This life isn't easy and great women that become warriors aren't great because they were born with a silver spoon, never had hard times or walked in grace all their lives.  Great women overcome challenges, scale tall walls and endure hard circumstances.  They learn to give of themselves to survive and what drives them is their insecurity and drive to be the best in a world that constantly will knock you down.  So yes, I  loved the book and yes, I saw Jesus and yes, I believe He alone brought me to OWN for that moment.  It's not about the universe or a higher power; It's God!

If you've read this blog you've been part of my challenging year.  I have fought and won.  I have found peace or what I thought was peace in the storm and I have sought to challenge myself in the face of much adversity.  I have not failed this year.  I have learned and with every lesson comes enlightenment and right now reading Shonda's book may have opened my eyes in a way I never thought possible.  In some ways she and I share commonalities.  We both love to read, to create and to dream.  And just like her, I held in everything I thought and felt.  I closeted my eating to help me with the stresses of life and I succumbed to sitting at home, going to bed early and sleeping rather than living.  I hid and hid and hid.  I even hid behind this keyboard.  It's so easy to write out what I think but it's much harder for me to share these same feelings one on one.  I'm a lion behind the keyboard but a mouse in my personal life.  Well I'm shedding that and every other thing I've carried in my life.  I was made for this time and I'm going to hit it head on.

I love to work.  I was made to work.  The greater the challenge the more I want to conquer it.  If you don't like me, I will work to make you like me.  If you think I'm a failure, I'll show you I'm not.  If you think I can't do something, I will because I learned very young no one was going to lift me up, wipe me off and look into my blue eyes and say, "Lisa, I'm your savior."  No one, that is, except for Jesus.  And once again, I'm in a room by myself and Jesus appears.  I'm a thinker.  I think about everything.  I stifle my emotions, have a hard time telling someone they made me angry and hate to be mad because when I'm mad, I have no sense.  So I learned young, as the popular people were picking on me, making fun of me and even the nerds excluded me, to stifle all emotion.  I pushed it down.  I worked at having a shell of pride and I never let anyone tell me I couldn't do it but through the years I have also let fear and worry creep into my life, my dreams and my hope.  Jesus is not worry, He's freedom.  And yet the bondage of my youth has crept into every part of me and as I finished this wonderful book I realized this was my year of yes.

I'm sure you think I'm crazy.  How does a book make you say, "YES?"  Well how did six words from a sister change Shonda's life, you'll have to read the book because it really is very special.  For me, it was as simple as saying, she's just like you.  She loves to work.  She loves her kids.  She wants to be the best mother and the best working woman.  She needs to be creative as much as she needs to breathe and she loves control.  Guess what? If this was an algebraic equation, it would equal me.  And all of the sudden, I heard that inner voice that really is an introvert, reformed nerd, say, "Why can't I say Yes?"  One moment, one thought, could it mean true transformation?  My answer is YES.  This has been a year of challenge, growth, opportunity and Jesus.  Without Him none of this would matter.  I don't matter if He's not driving. So yes, I need to do the things that scare me to death.  I need to worry less, ride that bike more and revel in the fact that I get to spread the Word of God.  I get to, that's just crazy.  How does a reformed introvert who is more nerd than anything else, get to?  I'm anointed that's how and I'm His and this is my year of yes.

To commemorate this very special moment in my life, I took a note.  I'm a goal-oriented person.  I put a goal on something and I will meet that goal.  I will work for it with verve.  I just love that word.  So it's on my list.  There are fifteen very specific things I am going to say YES to this year and I'm going to look at them every morning after I've read my Bible and have asked God to lead me.  It's time to be the butterfly and not the caterpillar.  It's time to experience the blessings God has bestowed on me and those I tell everyone else to celebrate.  It's time for me to be one with Jesus and transform into an all believing, all seeking soldier with all the wounds befitting to a great warrior. My wounds are His reward.  I need to embrace that, you need to embrace it and you need to say YES to your fears.  It's time that the women of God stand up in faith and believe we are strong because of Jesus.  We are not faint, we don't need to stand on the sidelines, we need to embrace the power of the cross and live!

Lord make us mighty warriors for you in every way, not just in this moment but for generations to come.  Please bless my year of YES and gather me unto You as I face my fears, surrender my worries and look up!  Your the only reason I need to live and Lord I want to live with my whole heart. IN JESUS NAME I ASK THIS, AMEN