Good morning all-
I love to start the day with that greeting. Every morning we're alive should be a good morning. Unfortunately it can't always be that way but at least we know that each morning brings new challenges and possible blessings. So, I'm half way through my cup of coffee and I'm still thinking about obedience. Strange how something comes in your head and doesn't leave easily.
A good friend of mine called yesterday and she started talking to me about marital problems. She has had many in the 6 years that I've known her. She is bright, vibrant and can hide sorrow like you can't believe. If she hadn't started spilling her guts to me yesterday, I wouldn't have had a clue. It's really hard for me when I hear some of the hurtful things our men are saying. I don't know what has happened that men treat women with such disrespect. Well I know that the flesh and satan have something to do with it but still. I never heard my dad call my mom any name except Jin Jin and yet, I hear lots of women telling me that they are being called names that don't belong in any language. On top of that, anger seems to be at the root of every argument. Not just a little anger but intensive, destructive anger. It frightens me and I think we need to be on our knees praying for our men because they are being attacked and when they are attacked, we are too.
During our conversation she told me that she didn't love him anymore and she thought that she never would. Her first priority is her daughter and she told him that. Men don't like to be second so I'm sure that went over well but that's where she is. He has beaten her down until she has nothing left to give. Is it all his fault? No. You probably think I'm crazy but it's true. There isn't a marriage out there where it's one persons fault even if abuse is involved. We have a brain and we can choose to take it or to get help. What happens is that most woman stay and take it. God doesn't ask us to stay, we stay because of past hurts, loss of self-esteem or because we truly believe we deserve it. This can be verbal or physical. If you're in a relationship where physical abuse is occurring, please get help. You're not responsible for your husband or boyfriend's behavior but you are responsible for your response to it. On the other hand if verbal abuse is taking place, it's time for you to step up to the plate. You also should get help and learn how to communicate. You can only control yourself and ask God to show you what you need to change. Of course, pray for your significant other. If you're not praying there is absolutely no hope for your marriage. And if you're dating someone that is physically or verbally abusive get out now. You aren't married, you don't have children and it won't get better especially if he doesn't know Christ.
Now I believe that God can take a bad marriage and make it good again. How? Through prayer and petition. You must ask him into your heart and your husbands heart. This is not going to be easy. There will be times you will want to run. But if you love the Lord and if you think you can persevere and change your habits, things can change between you if both of you want it and have Christ to help you. If you think I don't know what I'm talking about, in 1999 I asked my husband for a divorce. I walked away from a very bad marriage. I kicked him out, set his child support for much lower than the courts determined and let him without looking back. For almost our entire marriage, I felt alone, hurt, disrespected and totally a victim. Over time, God showed me my role in the marriage and revealed to me what I needed to work on. By the way, I'm still a work in progress. I remarried Mark in 2001 and we have enjoyed good times and bad times. Through each trial I remember one thing, that Christ is Christ and all things are possible through Him. All I have to do is be obedient, ask Him to reveal to me where I need to change and pray for my husband. It's not always easy and there have been a few times I wanted to run away and then I sat still, looked at the cross that sits on my mantle and said, "God we are both your children, please heal this marriage." The more obedient I am to His word and to looking at myself in the mirror, the more I'm able to be obedient to the promise I made, not once but twice.
By the way, if you think you can change your boyfriend or husband, think again. They are who they are and the only way they will change is if they humble themselves to the Lord. The same goes for us, if we don't desire to make our marriages work, they won't. You can only put issues in the closet for so long. Identify the key issues in yourself that need to be healed and start working on them today. God can and will help you if you ask and if your marriage is falling apart don't just look at your spouse, look at your own actions and ask God how to fix them. He'll show you. As I have looked in the mirror, He has shown me my faults and I continue to pray and work on them. Marriage is part of our obedience to Him but we don't have to be miserable while being obedient. We can find joy in our marriages again and He can and does resurrect them when He has two people willing to sacrifice for the other.
Again before I leave you today, if you are being abused physically, please get help. God never intended for man to strike and beat their women. We were created to be their helpmates. We are to be treasured as Christ treasures the church. You can't change Him but you can get help for yourself. Christ hears you and is there for you.
Please Read Hebrews 11: 7-39 NKJV. I will try to put it on the blog later. I think it depicts exactly what we need to hear for today. May God bless you and keep you.
My prayer today:
O, Lord, I come before You today praying for all the women that are in difficult marriages. I pray for them Lord because I know they are lonely, lost and full of despair. You are the key to their happiness and to their will aligning with Yours. You know their sorrows and their fears and You are near. Lift them up and help them find themselves in all the chaos. Grow them to be courageous women that look for You and not at their circumstances. Please remove those that are in dangerous situations and help the weak become strong. Marriage is a promise between a man and a woman and often the bonds of marriage are broken by lies, anger, and abuse. I know that you can break those bonds. I have seen You do it, so I come before You asking You to reveal Yourself into each one of our lives. Give us hope where we have none and help us all fall in love with our spouses on a daily basis. We are all individuals with fleshly desires that don't always match Your desires for our lives. Help us be obedient to You in all things and to look for Your will, instead of our own. We cherish You Lord and thank You for being a loving Father. We believe that all things are possible through You and by You. Give us a desire to rectify the strife in our marriages and to get help if we need it. Help us all to be loyal to reading our Bibles and praying for others, even if we aren't in their circumstances. You are my God and the God of all nations. Please come before us today and protect the weak, encourage the destitute and save our unions. You are the only one that can protect the foundation of the family. So in Jesus name we pray that our marriages would become strong and holy. We need You Lord, go before us today and resurrect those marriages that need You the most. In Jesus name, AMEN